Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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