Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
