We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
