Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
