You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
