the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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