Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize