i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
