Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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