i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize