you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
