Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
