you're like a bully in the Christmas story
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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