is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
