I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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