I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
