I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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