Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
