that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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