Just cropdusted the office
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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