this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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