I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
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The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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