Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
