I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
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If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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