So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
