I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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