There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
