your thong is hanging out like whoa
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
