Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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