I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
3 2 1 whiskey
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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