We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
