I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
