Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
