halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
