I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
