Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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