I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
