He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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