i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
