I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
