i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
