That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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