i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
