She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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