Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
