New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
