I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
