this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
