Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
