just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
