I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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