It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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