Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
