i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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