You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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