why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
