We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
