she smelled like a LAN party
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
