I cannot find my penis.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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