Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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