i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
