But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
