Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
