at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
