he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
