you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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