pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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