he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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