Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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