At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
