i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
