one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My feet surprised me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
