dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
