idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
