Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
