I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
