Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
