Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
