Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
whose parrot is this?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
